During countless leadership sessions over the years, the above has been shared in hallway whispers, as well as open, classroom dialogue (usually when the accused is not present). "These leadership tools are great, but so what. Unless so-and-so (the voice is usually lowered to a whisper at this point) starts walking the talk, we won't get anywhere."

And so it goes. As much as we all know we are ultimately bigger than the circumstances in our life, what happens if the "challenging circumstance" happens to be our boss? The one who signs our paycheck, conducts our performance review, and frankly, holds our future (and our family's future) in their hands? What do we do then?

No amount of rhetoric is going to motivate an individual past this roadblock. Not when they see the person of concern take the ego-driven low road day-in and day-out. So what can an individual do to make a difference?

If you find yourself in this camp, frustrated by the lack of leadership above you, here are some of your choices:

Option A:
Be the victim - complain; share your boss's shortfalls with all who aren't tired of hearing - then act surprised at the lack of progress being made (including your career);

Option B:
Be the 'quiet victim' - say nothing, but let the furnace of contempt shave the energy, health and joy off your life;

Option C:
Leave - quit your job, transfer to another department (and possibly be one of the 75% who find the same type of boss at their next job).
If circumstances are too difficult, sometimes option C above, is the best choice. Of course, "too difficult" can be determined by the boss having it in for a person, or the individual conceding that they do not possess the talents to live options 'D' and 'E' below.

Leaders that excel know growing as a leader requires living a vision that takes them beyond their comfort zone - this is what generates growth. Comfort zones are determined only by us, but are revealed consistently to others.

Personal Responsibility: Taking the Bull by the Horns

So let's consider two very effective options - 'D' and 'E':

D) Be the 'quiet agent for change' - through interactions with others, demonstrate the ability to take the high-road, quietly modeling that the only shoes we walk in are our own; demonstrate your ability to effectively manage your emotions.

E) Lead - regardless of your position, contribute in a fashion that demonstrates a strength, control and ability to influence in a manner that moves people and issues forward.

Through conversations with thousands of folks we know, it is apparent that many people choose option D and E. This option exemplifies a type of leader who, regardless of position or rank, has mastered a set of tools that have no limit to their effectiveness to create positive change.

Individuals who choose option D and E know that the incriminating evidence they might collect on their boss isn't going to amount to anything - and certainly won't be the driver in creating change. Because we go towards our focus, these individuals realize that this evidence of "off-the-path" behavior, will only weaken their own success because their effectiveness is intimately tied to their ability to operate on a roll. Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is discontent; concentrating on each faux pas by our boss helps neither our boss nor ourselves.

What does it take to be a quiet agent for change (option D)? How does one operate on a roll? Doesn't it take a sense of personal responsibility for one's own actions? People who take personal responsibility know they can choose how they will act and react in any given situation. They have a good sense of their own self-worth. They tend not to blame others for their own missteps and problems. And they usually have a good sense of humor - they can laugh at themselves.

What does it take to lead, regardless of your position in a company? Option E individuals know that one of the strongest ways to increase/change/grow a behavior is to acknowledge it. Therefore, they point out, even to their supervisors, when they see on-the-path behavior. Granted, the strength of the relationship will determine the strength of the acknowledgement, but regardless, these individuals still deliver. And it has to be sincere. For example, "That was an outstanding meeting, (boss). Everyone was heard and we set a clear plan of execution." There. That's it. No need for more. For some, such an acknowledgement would be seen as brown-nosing. Leaders that are moving forward know that concerns about brown-nosing are reserved for those dwelling in options A through C above.

Acknowledging the boss delivers a message that reveals what's important to E-type individuals. That can be followed by asking questions that engage the boss. E-type individuals don't judge their boss based on one incident. They know that off-the-path behavior demonstrated by their supervisor is not a verdict on their inability as a leader, but just one moment in their supervisor's growth as a leader. These individuals choose to engage those around them in full, free, two-way communication, including those above them. For example, "Jim, it's clear that you want to build a world-class team. Where everyone listens fully to one another. How can we make such a team a greater reality?"

Where will you use some of these upward leadership ideas this week?

**Copied with permission of Steven Vannoy of Pathways to Leadership